EPISODE 129: From Control to Flow: Awakening Your Feminine Energy

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  Po: Welcome to the Tao Po Podcast. I'm your host, Po Hongyu, aka Big Red, aka Po, aka all kinds of nicknames because Po pretty much goes with everything. I'm a mystic, a spiritual guide, a medicine woman, and a somatic energy healer. My soul's work is to guide people back to the wisdom that lives in their bodies and to heal unprocessed pain so they can have the space to cultivate their gifts and then radiate their light and their work out into the world.

  Everything I teach is based on the foundation of Taoism with an emphasis on Yin, which is feminine energy. It's the internal, the deep, the dark, the soft, the surrendered, and the receptive energy that is arising in the collective. In this podcast, you'll receive soul treats in the form of three kinds of episodes that support this time of awakening. Inner child alchemy sessions, solo transmissions from my heart, and conversations with people where we explore the full range of topics that make people human and divine.

  I hope you enjoy. Let's get into it. Hello, everyone. Welcome back. So before I get into my transmission, I wanted to let you know that my program coming home to you is beginning on October 3rd.

  It's just two weeks away. And it is a six month re-birthing portal, which is so perfect for this time of the year as we enter into the Yin months, which are the fall and the winter. It's a perfect time to re-birth. So I like to take advantage of the seasons that we're in and how that can support us in our healing and expansion process.

  And this container is all about releasing those deep seated resentments that stem from your childhood and really stepping into and becoming and embodying that deeply alive and powerful and unapologetically expressed person that you have been wanting to be. And that means using your voice, speaking your truth, asking for what you need, asking for your desires and receiving it, right? Allow yourself to truly connect on more vulnerable and intimate levels. And what has been really beautiful is deep healing in relationships in the last cohort. And actually, at least six people from the last cohort are renewing into this cohort. So I know that the community and the sisterhood is amazing.

  It's going to be amazing because it was amazing in the last one. And what I love the most that people share in our group is that they can be themselves, right? They don't feel like they need to show up with their typical masks. And this is such an important piece when it comes to healing, because in order for you to truly heal, you need to allow yourself to be seen in those places that you have been hiding, right?

  That maybe are full of shame or guilt or whatever it is. And so this space is really that kind of space where you can be your full self. And, you know, that means being in your power.

  It means, you know, whatever it is for you that might feel uncomfortable. And so that's happening. And so if you're interested in joining us, I invite you to schedule a discovery call with me. The link is below. And also the link for the program is below so you can check out all the juicy details. I would love to have a conversation with you, a no pressure call just to connect and answer your questions and see if it's a good fit for you. Know that it is a life changing program. So many of the women that are in the program have completely shifted their life.

  And I'm going to talk about one of those women today. But it is that kind of program. It's been for people who try to do all the things and have been stuck for decades, you guys, okay, decades.

  And then they were able to actually transform and open up into their new level in this program. So, you know, if you've been on the edge of working with me, I highly recommend that you take advantage of this because I don't know if I'm going to be offering this program again. If I do, it will be next October. Okay, so schedule that call if you're interested.

  Now, on to the transmission. So I mentioned that I was going to talk about one of the women in the cohort. And I was inspired by her to do this episode because she said, and I'm paraphrasing, but I think this is pretty much how she said it, like she she's embodying her feminine energy, like more than she has ever before. And this is powerful.

  Like this is such a powerful statement. You might be like, who cares? Like, who cares about being feminine and whatever. But if you've been following me, you probably understand that, you know, the feminine is the yin energy, right? There's the yin and the yang. The yang is the masculine. And feminine in this energetic realm doesn't necessarily mean, you know, looking a certain way. It's not about the external, although it could, right? It definitely could impact that. For me, it has like when I moved down to Miami, the healing work that I did while I moved here and plus the environment of, you know, Miami, which is very feminine, very lush and like juicy and open.

  And you know, there's the water of the ocean. And New York, where I came from was hyper masculine. So it was such an adjustment. And me coming here really impacted my external too, right? My hair was different, you know, the way I dress is different.

  Like all the transformation that I did on the inside did overflow on the outside and not in every single way. But there are things that could be an outcome of embodying your feminine energy, but it's not like the thing, right? We're not doing this work to become, you know, so look a certain way, right? We're doing it because we desire to let go of control, right? Because so many of the women that really need to do this work to drop into the yin energy are the women who have been hyper, you know, perfectionists and like always, you know, hyper independent and like very walled off, you know, have armor around them, defense mechanisms.

  I mean, we all have that in our own ways. But this particular way is that there's like this shield that is keeping them in a masculine and controlled way, right? They're not letting themselves surrender or be soft or allow themselves to connect with their sensuality. And again, sensuality doesn't have to look a certain way.

  It's really about being connected to your body and your senses and really exploring those parts of you that are more subtle. All right, so let's get into it. I want to talk about feminine energy and what it means to embody this energy and how it looks like in your life and why it's so important to tap into this power source because it absolutely is a power source. And I want to first say that being in your feminine energy, which is the yin energy, is not about being a girly girl. It's not about makeup or nails or hair or any of that stuff.

  Although it could come out like that, but there's plenty of women who are girly and look very feminine on the outside that are hyper masculine because they are very controlled. They are afraid of softening and surrendering. They don't let people in, right?

  They're not receiving. And so the external doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it absolutely is possible that if you become more embodied in your feminine that you start to shift on the outside. That was definitely the case for me. My hair became more flowy. I used to have super choppy hair, very edgy, and I would dress more dark and covered up, and now it's more flowy. So it definitely can overflow, but just because somebody looks a certain way does not mean they are that way.

  Books can be deceiving. The way that you could tell somebody's in their feminine is that they are in more flow, right? They are really open and embracing of their emotions, and they let it move through them more effortlessly. They're willing to go into the unknown spaces, right? They're willing to be in the mystery of life, surrendering to life, softening, right?

  Allowing themselves to be more vulnerable in their relationships, asking for what they need and desire. There's so many ways that you can spot somebody who is in their yin energy, and you can feel it in your body too. You can probably relax a little bit more around them. Somebody who's in their hyper masculine energy, you might feel a little more tight around them because they're more controlling, right?

  They're more rigid, things like that. And I just want to make sure that we're clear that masculine, young energy is not bad. Masculine energy is so important, and yin energy is so important. But what happens so often in our culture is that we have been conditioned as women to be more masculine, be hyper masculine, right? Hyper independent, walled off, shielded, armored, right?

  Hiding behind these walls because we're afraid to actually be vulnerable and to truly connect and be intimate. I know that was the case for me. And as a multiple rape survivor, it was definitely, you know, that reactive like survival, okay, I'm going to go into this image of being a strong, powerful woman, even though on the inside, I did not feel like that. But it was my protective mechanism. I needed to be that level of independence so nobody could fuck with me, right? I needed to show that air of masculine energy so nobody would hurt me again, right?

  That was my tactic. And also, my feminine body was violated. And so there was a way that I also shamed my feminine nature, right?

  Because I made it wrong because these things wouldn't happen to me if something was good with my body. So it's like a subconscious belief system that I picked up. And I think many women picked this up. Like the feminine is bad, right?

  Because it's scary. If I wasn't feminine, if I wasn't in this feminine body, then these things wouldn't happen to me. And so, and I'm not saying that's true.

  I'm just saying this is the belief that can be picked up for these kind of situations. And so I, without even knowing it, villainized and disconnected from my feminine self. It all happened so quickly as a young person.

  I didn't know that was what was happening. Until, you know, later on, as I got older, I realized that I was so controlling, you know, I was, I got to a point where I was so sick and tired of being so controlling. Like it was so uncomfortable to be with that. Because I felt like I just couldn't let go. I just couldn't release.

  I couldn't, you know, I couldn't surrender. And I was just a control freak. I wanted to fix everybody. I wanted to control everybody. I wanted to control all the outcomes. And I just was going crazy with that. And I came to a point where I was like, I need to do something differently because this is not working. You know, so I did.

  And I started my practice of learning how to receive and surrender and soften and open and allow and embrace and ask, right? Oh my God, asking. So uncomfortable. It's still really uncomfortable for me, but it's a practice. And it's a really beautiful feminine practice being willing to, you know, tap into what it is that you need or desire and then asking for it and being willing to sit in the discomfort of getting it or not getting it. Because it's uncomfortable to get a no. But honestly, it might be even more uncomfortable to get a yes. Right?

  Like, I know that might be confusing to some people. You might be like, no, I'm so much more afraid of rejection, which I totally get because, you know, we do all the kinds of tactics of, you know, preemptive rejection, meaning we won't even ask for the thing because we're assuming we're going to get a no. So that's a real thing. But I really feel like most of the time, people are more afraid to actually have the thing. And so because that means that you are actually opening up and letting somebody in, letting somebody see you.

  And it doesn't, you know, have to be a big thing. I'm not even talking about necessarily sex, but yes, in sex within, you know, intimate moments, because you can have sex with somebody and not be vulnerable. You can have sex with somebody in it, not be intimate.

  I'm sure plenty of you who are listening, who are married or have been in relationships, have experienced this, especially if you have not been connected to your feminine. Right? And I know I've done that. So much of the sex that I had was like that. And it was a practice for years of me doing this work of really connecting to my in energy, when I was actually finally able to allow somebody in while making, you know, while having sex.

  And that was the first time I made love. You know, because every other time I would like not be able to make eye contact and I wouldn't open up my heart to them. It was just a physical act. You know, so it can happen in that way, but it can be even like small experiences where somebody gives you a compliment.

  Right? And allowing that person to give it, and then you being able to receive it. So many people deflect compliments. And so when you allow somebody to actually, you know, give it to you, and then you fully let it in, it feels vulnerable because you're letting somebody see you in that moment of receiving. And, you know, for me, it was so hard.

  You guys might not believe this. And I've shared this in another podcast before. But in my twenties, I used to tell people to shut up after they gave me a compliment. And I wasn't saying it in a mean way.

  It was just my way of deflecting. They'd be like, Oh, you look, you know, so good today. I'd like shut up, you know, like casually. I'm like, I think back. I'm like, Wow, that's how deeply unworthy and unlovable I felt.

  Right? I didn't even think I was worthy of receiving a regular compliment. Now I understand that it was my way of actually saying, I'm not good enough. I don't feel like I'm good enough to to receive this. And so now, when somebody gives me a compliment, I make sure to say thank you and let it in because there's also plenty of times you can say thank you and you don't actually let it in.

  Right? I know I've done that in the past too. So letting yourself fully receive something into your heart and into your body is a whole nother experience than just the, you know, the lip service, essentially, we can all perform. Performing is such a natural thing that we do as humans because we've learned and we've been conditioned to put on masks and play a role, right? That feels safer and less uncomfortable. We're always doing whatever we can to protect ourselves. And when we're dropped into our feminine, it's less that way.

  And, you know, doesn't mean that I'm saying that, oh yeah, we should walk around feeling so unprotected. Like, I, there's a balance, right? The yin and the yang energy always. We need that masculine protection.

  So within ourselves, like, you know, we all have both of these energies. But are you willing to open up 1% more? Are you willing to soften 1% more? And allow yourself to feel 1% more.

  Right? Allow yourself to release resentment 1% more. more? Are you willing to be an approval of what is in this moment 1% more?

  These are all feminine practices. And so if you find yourself feeling like, oh my God, that's so uncomfortable, then I invite you to really lean into that 1% rule. Because 1% is powerful, powerful work. The women that are in my cohort right now and coming home to you, they have had such big shifts because it is 1% rule.

  I'm not even kidding, game changer. And many of the women, maybe all of them have been trying to create these shifts in their lives for years and decades. But implementing this compassionate 1% rule is a game changer. Because when you are telling yourself that you need to show up a certain way and if it's black and white, then if you don't do it, then you failed, then that's going to block you from the healing and expansion that you desire.

  But if you say, okay, if I could just lean in 1%, you could do that. It doesn't feel as scary and it compounds, it builds over time. And then look, after six months or whatever, your life is completely different.

  One of my clients in coming home to you wrote in her post in our online space, I feel the most feminine I've ever felt. I think that's what she said pretty much. That's like the power phrased version. And it blew me away. But I'm not surprised because that's the work we do in my space is tapping into that yin energy because it is your power source. So many of us have been conditioned to believe that our power source comes from our mind, which there's much power there to the power focus, what we put our attention on, which is very important, but not at the detriment of our feminine energy and our body wisdom, right? And so for her, it looks like she's more connected to her body, her menstrual cycle, you know, and also receiving community. She received this beautiful sisterhood in her in person space, right? In her in her city. That's something that she desired. And that happened for her in this program.

  And it's because of releasing the resentment, which are the walls that keep people out that block connection in intimacy, and then really dropping into that surrender that soft space that allows you to receive the things that you actually say you want. Right. And so this work is uncomfortable because being in the unknown is uncomfortable. You have probably created a certain way of being that is very predictable if you are a hyper masculine person, right? Plan everything.

  You know what to expect. You know, everything is controlled and obviously there's a spectrum. But I'm talking to the people who are like hyper, hyper masculine. And, you know, if you can, you know, how to predict everything and plan everything, there's no room for magic. There's no room for mystery.

  There's no room for miracles. And that's what the energy is. If you think about the soil, fertile soil under our feet, that is the energy. There's so many nutrients there. There's so many things that are, you know, the seeds that are being sown in the soil. The tree is the young energy. But so much happens in the soil before the tree can even grow. And so are you willing to nourish and nurture yourself in that young energy because the seed doesn't know what's going to happen. It's like in the darkness, right? It's in the dark and the soil, you know, and then all of a sudden it starts sprouting.

  So the unknown space is the Yin aspect. And it's beautiful and it's potent. And when you're tapped into your feminine energy, you become more magnetic. It's just natural. You don't have to force anything.

  It just is. People gravitate to you or the opportunities gravitate to you, you know, literally things become more in flow. And you start to receive the things that you've been asking for instead of blocking them. And, you know, this relationship between Yin and Yang is so powerful because when you are, you know, in excess of Yang, right, that's how we say it in Chinese medicine terms, excess of Yang, meaning like the hyper masculine energy, then you're literally walled off and you can imagine like kind of putting your hand up and like blocking, like, like blocking something from coming in. But what if you moved that energy from your hands being out in front of you blocking to open to your sides, right, like the way that your body shows it shows how receptive or not receptive you are. And so you get to show it in your movements in that way, in the way you relate with people, right, there's so many ways that we can tap into our feminine energy, but it starts with just this moment right now.

  Right. It's this moment of being able to be with what is versus distracting yourself with your mind, being with the discomfort of the sensations that are living in your body, embracing your desires, what are your desires letting yourself feel that and connect with it, right, and allowing yourself to be in your feminine in your relationships, whether they're partnerships, lovers, friends, community, where can you open up to being more open and flowing and less controlling. Can you spot any ways that you have been trying to control the dynamic between you and somebody else? Or maybe there's a way that you have been holding back saying something, you need to say something and let somebody in to see you in this way.

  Maybe you want to ask for support from a friend or maybe you want to be vulnerable with your husband and tell them something that you've been holding close to your chest for a long time. Right. What is the ways that you can 1% at a time lean into more of that soft space? And again, it is 1% at a time because those soft spaces are super tender and of course we protect them. But the more that we wall it off in a controlled way, the more we're actually blocking ourselves from the things that we desire.

  And so if you feel like you're this type of person who's like, you know, put on a strong phase and, you know, I'm super independent, but on the inside you're kind of like, oh, I really want more. And, you know, it's not happening. This might be one of the answers for you or the answer. I have found that this Yin work has literally changed my life. And as you all know, my dad has been my greatest teacher around this. I've had other teachers around the feminine, but my dad would be number one, which means kind of funny because he's a man, but my dad is so Yin, you guys, my mom was actually more young.

  She was definitely more masculine than him. My dad taught me what it means to truly be with what is and allow, right? Allow the emotions to move through me, not control or force myself to be anywhere.

  Right? He would always say to me, it's okay. And I know that's so simple.

  It's like, what? But that, with him saying that would literally change everything for me because in those moments when I felt like something wasn't okay, it was me being in my head and creating stories, but then him saying, it's okay. Just reminded me to trust. And that's really what it means to be in the Yin energy. It's, you know, that's what surrender is. It's about trusting. And so a lot of times, if people are in their hyper mass feminine energy, they're in deep lack of trust. If they're trying to constantly control everything, trying to fix everything, there's a lack of trust. And how we start to begin trusting is to be with ourselves.

  There's other ways too, right? Showing up in ways that we said that that we were going to show up so we can start to, you know, trust ourselves, trust that our word is our bond, right? But in terms of the somatic work, tapping in to that inner space and the sensations that are activated when we're uncomfortable or triggered or, you know, all those things, you start to feel safe within yourself. And then that also will extend in feeling more safe in the world, right?

  You always have to begin on the inside and allow it to overflow onto the outside. And then, you know, really opening up to trusting that the universe is holding you.

  Because I think so often when we are so in our minds, which is the young energy, we forget that we are held, right? We're so in the day to day, in the micro moments of like struggle or like, you know, details and planning and overthinking and, you know, future tripping that we're not zooming out to actually connect with the divine and surrendering and knowing that the divine got us, right? That we don't need to force or control all these things. We don't need to play like we're God, essentially.

  And that's really what happens is that, you know, myself included, just try to, you know, I would play like I was God, I try to control everything. We can't control any of that. We can just control where we put our attention on and allow ourselves to be in our own practices, right? We can just control the way that we behave and the way we think and what we are focusing our minds on.

  And it is a futile behavior to actually, you know, try to control other people or other experiences or the future, because it just doesn't work. And so when we're in our young energy, we're able to connect more with this divine source, right? Imagine yourself being held by Mother Nature. And this is a beautiful part of like mushroom journeys I found out, like in Deep Dives. I know it was the case for me, where I just felt so held by the Earth, by the universe. And that will always stay with me, right?

  And really allowing myself to connect in that way, instead of allowing my mind to be like, oh, no, like, nothing's got me. I have to control everything. I have to be willing to remember the truth. Remember the laws of the universe. Remember my power, right?

  So are you willing to keep reminding yourself of who you are and your power by leaning in one percent at a time into this yin and space? And that partly can be like, you know, connecting with the senses, like, what are you feeling? What do you touch?

  What are you tasting? Like, all these things that bring us back into the body will support you in that. When you notice that you are overcompensating by being in your head, you know it's time to bring yourself back into your body. And if you notice that you have a hard time getting in your body, that's okay. It's normal. Most people have resistance to it. But it's good to notice because that is an indicator that there is a lack of safety inside.

  And it's good to keep leaning in into these practices one percent at a time, to keep leaning in, to feeling, to keep leaning into the moment, to keep leaning into being versus doing. When you be, then you do and then you can have, right? That's the order. But the being is always first. And that's the yin energy. And then the doing is the masculine energy. The feminine energy always comes first. But a lot of times people are putting the masculine first and second and third and like I said, if you are in your yin energy, you will find that you will experience more flow in your life because you are following the energy. You're listening to your inner voice. You're knowing if you are actually letting yourself go.

  I want you to do this inquiry. Where are you tightening and constricting your energy? What patterns do you have around controlling?

  You can start to journal and identify your patterns of where you are blocking your feminine energy and where you are hypermasculine. Because until you can identify this for yourself, then you might avoid doing the work, right? So until we can see our patterns, then we probably won't do the work. That was the case for me. When I saw my pattern of being an angry person, then I was like, oh, shit, I got to do something about this, right? And so that's why pattern work is so important. Noticing how you are showing up in the same reactive ways in certain situations, then you can get clues of what is happening inside of you.

  What is the root? What is activating these things? How do you react in these moments?

  You get to know yourself better and in your internal mechanisms versus avoiding them or distracting yourself from them. All right. So feminine energy is power, you guys. It's time for us to awaken it.

  I know this has been happening in the collective. And I invite you to do this deeper work because it literally changes every aspect of your life. And my coming home to you clients are proof of that because it's showing up in all these different ways, more community, feeling in flow, drop opportunities. So it's just magic.

  It's magic, you guys. All right. That's all I got right now.

  I hope you receive something from this. And next week is our last episode. And who knows? I might restart it at some point having conversations about that.

  So that's a possibility. But I'm glad that you have a hundred and something episodes to listen to and re-listen to if you need to and share with your friends and all the things. All right.

  Until next time. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode or received insight from it, I want to hear about it in your words. Feedback powers the show.

  So here are three ways that you can support the Tao of Po. One, hit the subscribe button so that you never miss an episode. Two, share your biggest takeaway from this episode on Instagram and tag me. I absolutely love seeing and reposting your stories.

  Three, leave a review on Apple podcast. This is the ultimate way to support the show. And it takes less than a few minutes. And I also love shouting out my reviewers on solo episodes. Or if you're a Spotify listener, rate it with a quick click. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting the show. And I will see you next Wednesday in another episode of the Tao of Po.

In this episode, I’m sharing a transmission on feminine energy, also known as Yin energy, and exploring what it means to truly embody this power source.

I dive into the defense mechanisms that keep us stuck in masculine energy, such as perfectionism and over-independence, and how to shift into a more balanced flow state.

You'll learn how to recognize someone in their feminine energy, explore the impact of trauma on our feminine expression, and some of my favorite practices to move from control to trust and surrender. 

Join me to discover why awakening feminine energy is crucial in your life and relationships, and how small steps, like the 1% rule, can lead to powerful healing and expansion. 

I dive into: 

- Understanding the feminine energy (Yin) and its manifestation 

- The differences between masculine and feminine energy, and how defense mechanisms like perfectionism keep us in the masculine 

- Fear of rejection vs. fear of receiving 

- The impact of trauma on our feminine expression 

- How Yin energy can impact your relationships 

- Techniques to shift from control to trust in relationships, including the 1% rule for gradual healing and growth 

- And more 

Learn about my Coming Home to You Membership: 

https://www.taoofpo.com/coming-home-to-you 

Connect with me and let’s go deeper: 

Website: https://www.pohongyu.com 

IG: https://www.instagram.com/pohong.yu/ 

FB: https://www.facebook.com/pohong.yu/ 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pohongyu/

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