EPISODE 128: Prioritizing Your Needs and Desires
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Welcome to the Tao Po Podcast. I'm your host, Po-Hong Yu, aka Big Red, aka Po, aka all kinds of nicknames because Po pretty much goes with everything. I'm a mystic, a spiritual guide, a medicine woman, and a somatic energy healer. My soul's work is to guide people back to the wisdom that lives in their bodies and to heal unprocessed pain so they can have the space to cultivate their gifts and then radiate their light and their work out into the world.
Everything I teach is based on the foundation of Taoism with an emphasis on Yin, which is feminine energy. It's the internal, the deep, the dark, the soft, the surrendered, and the receptive energy that is arising in the collective. In this podcast, you'll receive soul treats in the form of three kinds of episodes that support this time of awakening. Inner child alchemy sessions, solo transmissions from my heart, and conversations with people where we explore the full range of topics that make people human and divine.
I hope you enjoy. Let's get into it. Hello, hello, everyone. Welcome back.
So you could probably tell in my voice I have a lot more energy. I'm officially back home in Miami and I feel so grateful not only because I have gotten through the majority of the jet lag, but also because I have to spend time with my dad in Beijing and I'm still processing all that happened there because it was quite an experience. We had really challenging conversations. It was really this full spectrum of experience, like intense emotional grief, but also like joy and connection and fun and gratitude.
It was just the whole shebang. But overall, I feel very grateful for all of it and feel very blessed that my 93-year-old dad is doing so well, that he's happy, he's healthy, he's content. He's doing his purpose work in the world. I really can't ask for anything more. I am so blessed. So anyways, I am back and you all know that I'm ending this podcast at the end of September. So make sure to follow me on social media, Instagram or Facebook or LinkedIn. I'm most present in Facebook and Instagram would be the second and LinkedIn would be the third. So definitely connect with me there so we can stay in touch. I've been doing a lot more writing and sharing some stories, some of my process, like really letting you in on another level.
So follow me and you can connect and engage there. But before I get into my transmission, I want to share that my Coming Home to You program is starting again October 3rd. I decided to transform it from an ongoing program where people can enroll at any time. Instead, it's going to just be once a year, starting in October.
So October 3rd is the first call and it's six months. I'm very excited about how I've revamped it every time I create stuff. I'm always refining, always making it better. And I'm excited because the current clients in my cohort right now have had such massive life changing shifts. And so I'm excited to continue the work with them because there's a bunch of them that are actually renewing and coming into this next cohort, but also would love to invite you to work with me. And so I'm doing these open house calls where I'm going to be sharing about the program and answering your questions. They'll be on September 12th, 19th, and 26th.
They're all Thursdays at 5 p.m. Eastern Time. You can register for free below in the link. But this is a great time for you to connect with me, get to know me, feel my energy, ask me all the questions, and also connect with other people that are potentially in my current cohort. Maybe they'll come to, but also other women that are interested in being the program. It's always awesome coming to a group call like this because community is everything. And in my program, sisterhood is such a big deal. Literally every single person says they love the sisterhood. They love the community. They feel like they can be completely themselves. Like what community do you feel like you can just be completely yourself?
And if you can be completely yourself, then you have more access to healing and expansion. Also, I want to say that I created this trajectory in timing on purpose. So I just love the idea of coming home to you being from October to March because that's the end time of the year. Fall and winter. And so this is a reverting portal that we're going on, right, the six months for the program. And so you get to really go deeper into yourself and do this work of really becoming, you know, your most authentic self, releasing resentment, you know, really embodying who you truly are and getting to a place where you feel like you're in flow and have intimacy in your life that you desire, you know, happy feeling connected to your voice and really saying the things, you know.
So I love that trajectory. And then I planned it this way, but like the retreat is in April. And so if you join coming home to you, you can also join, well, anybody can come to the retreat, but especially if you come to come home to you, the retreat is kind of like a graduation and a celebration and this coming together in community in person and really being able to step into the next level of your sensuality in your body and renewal.
I mean, it's called soul renewal retreat. And so getting clarity into like what that next step is for you. And like the spring time is a perfect time to do this work, right? It's like emerging after this work and coming home to you and going to the soil and rebirthing.
Then in the spring, you come out to blossom. And so that's really the intention of the retreat. So you can come to do one or the other or both. And then there'll be another program that goes from May to July that will continue to support you in the work. And so that will be announced another time. So that's kind of the lay of the land. I would love for you to join me in the coming home to you, open house one or all of them, you know, feel free to join.
And it's completely free. And I would love to get to know you better. All right.
So that's that. So what I wanted to talk about today is around prioritizing yourself and your needs and your desires, but also like prioritizing what's important in your life. So you may or may not have heard me talk about this topic. When I turned 47 a couple of years ago, I felt this huge shift. Like I was walking through a midlife portal.
That's what I call it. That's what I created a called Midlife Portal, because I could feel how I was walking into the second half of my life. And how do I want to live in the second half of my life? What is important to me?
Right. And being clear about what's important to me dictates everything I do, right, day to day, in general, like, my business with relationships, like how do I want to show up every day moving forward? And, you know, I thought this would be really a powerful conversation, because so often, people are just so like, you know, have their blinders on or so overwhelmed in their day to day that they forget about the bigger picture and what they really need and what they really desire and what their vision is for themselves and their life. And so this is so important because if you, if you're not able to actually connect with those parts of you, right, the vision, desire, needs, then you'll just be on autopilot. And that's different than being in flow, right? Flow is intentional. Autopilot is not. It's, it's unintentional.
And it's also usually unconscious. And so the work here is to really allow yourself to not only see what it is that's important to you and see how, you know, you want to prioritize yourself and your needs, but also actually taking action, right? But a lot of times, the first step of even identifying what you need and desire or what your vision is, that's challenging for a lot of people, right?
Like, I've definitely worked with plenty of clients when I ask them the question, what is it that you need? They don't know. Or when, when I say, what is your desire?
I don't know. And so, you know, my invitation to you right now is to do a prompt journal, you know, about like, what it is that you need and just write it all down, write down all the things that you're needing. And you might be able to get clarity on that by seeing the things that you don't like in your life right now. Like, where are you getting resentful? Where are you feeling like you're getting stuck? Where do you feel like you're not saying the thing?
Right? So that can actually clue you in into what it is that you do need because you can see what it is that you don't like and what has not been serving you, right? And then you can do a prompt in journal about what it is that you desire, right? Because there's a difference between needs and desires. Needs are like non-negotiable, like basic foundational pieces in your life, right? That you're like, if I don't have this, I'm not, you know, willing to be in this relationship, let's say, right? You could be in a relationship with a partner.
And if they don't respect you and listen to you, then that could be a deal breaker because you realize that is a need of yours. But a desire is something that is more like something that is not a need, but you feel this like burning inside of you to create this or have this experience, right? It feels like, I guess if I had to, and I'm just coming up with this right now, but like if I was thinking about needs, I feel like that is more like a root chakra, right?
Kind of place that you would identify it, like whether it's like security, financially, relationship needs, like just like foundational, like the root chakra is all about the foundation. And then I think about desire, I'm thinking about the sacral chakra combined with the heart chakra, like what gets you juiced up? What makes you feel like turned on and excited? What makes you feel like, ooh, that makes me feel alive, right? Where do I feel this like passion and fire? That's how you can start to identify it.
So I would definitely journal about both of those so you can get clarity on where your gaps are. And what you might start to notice, is that, wow, I have so many needs that I have not been asking for or I've not been prioritizing or I have so many desires that I want to put attention on. Or you know like you might discover that there's so much there that you want to start to prioritize. Or you might notice like oh my god I feel stuck I don't I can't connect with them and then that requires a deeper inquiry or in a deeper level of connection right to yourself.
Because if you're unable to connect with those parts of you like needs and desires that that just implies that there is a disconnection. So that's the first part. So getting clarity on your needs and desires. And you know your desires and vision is very similar - but the vision to me is more of like an overall picture right. Like it's like the whole painting. Whereas desires could be like pieces of the painting or more specific things right. But the vision is kind of like the overall feeling of your life and the creations that are part of it or the connections that are part of it the relationships or whatever. So it's kind of like a bigger higher level site okay.
So then the second part is following through. Like really creating that space for yourself to have it or asking for it. Or you know, doing the actions that allow you to move forward in that need or desire.
For example one of my clients in coming home to you - she also did a deep dive with me. And she had, you know, been thinking for a few years that she wants to leave her job and you know do an adventure like have an adventure like maybe for you know move to Thailand or do an eat pray, love type of situation. Or you know take a road trip around the country you know for a while right. And that's something that has been coming up for her in her mind over and over again, but she hasn't given her self permission to go for it.
But after our deep dive, it was really clear and she made the commitment that she is going to do this for herself. So it's not enough to just know. She kind of she knew like she knew this was something that was coming up for her, but there was the lack of like commitment and saying I can have it I'm going to go for it. And because of the work that she's done in Coming Home to You, she has more capacity to actually lean in and make it happen right. She didn't have that resource within herself to be like I'm going for it. That's why the foundational work in coming home to you is so powerful.
So now you know her work is to be action-based right. Like researching you know the places that she might want to go right. Seeing how her dog can travel with her and maybe that you know certain places it's easier to travel to than others right. But starting to to do the practical pieces or the action pieces that are going to move the needle right.
So it's always a couple of steps in this process and and then when we talk about prioritizing all these things right like there's so many other layers to it. Like boundary work right. I do that in my coming home to you program as well, because I find that so many of the women that come to work with me are overgivers and people-pleasers and rescuers and just putting themselves last and their boundaries are shit, just like to be completely honest. Like that's just and that was my case too you know. I mean everybody I work with was how I used to be, and so I understand all of it very intimately.
And so you know being able to discern what is a yes for you versus what is a no for you is so important. And not doing it from your mind right really actually tuning into your body and listening to the truth right, your inner truth, your inner wisdom. And then moving forward with that. Because creating the space is key.
Because if you are distracted - whether it's distraction from like doing all the things in your life. Maybe you're constantly busying yourself with work or in your social life and you know all the things externally - then that can definitely keep you from feeling spacious.
And then also there's the internal space right like maybe you're constantly over thinking or overwhelmed or stressed out and in your head all the time then there's no inner space so creating space externally and internally is such an important foundational part of the process and if you don't create that space then it's challenging to feel into your desires and you know making them happen right like it's just overwhelmed if there's no space that's like the typical feeling is overwhelmed or you know anxious or stressed out so we want to make sure that we are doing the work step by step because otherwise you're literally trying to create something from a hunts resource place right and when I say resource place it's like okay what is your capacity to hold space for yourself you know are you able to connect with self-love and self-compassion are you you know a resource in your time resource in your energy are you taking care of yourself on a basic level of self-care you know eating well and sleep and all those things all of these pieces allow for you to be more resource than the more resource you are than the more capacity you have to actually create the life that you're desiring right so you know that's so so so important because I see all the time people are trying to create their life from a lack of resource or under resource place and it's because they are judging themselves that they're not already at the place that they think they should be right so they're trying to like make the life that they want but they're skipping steps and you can't skip the foundational work it's just it just doesn't work and that foundational work is this in work that is in coming home to you right like coming home to your body really being able to do mental work right focusing your mind on what's important cultivating that mental fierceness right overcoming perfectionism because so many of my clients are perfectionists because that's definitely where I came from and I still work through my perfectionism now but like really learning how to be kind to yourself and it seems like that's something that should be easy for people but it's not it's absolutely not and so really cultivating that piece will allow you to do the deeper work right go deeper into Indian work do the somatic work do the inner child work which is part of coming home to you and then also then emerging into more connection right with yourself and other people and the work that you want to do in the world right service and purpose and all the things but we cannot bypass the root cannot bypass the basics so important like I think about my stepdad being a grandmaster of martial arts and how he you know would teach us you know kung fu and chi go and tai chi and I mean it's just common sense he's not going to take us into these you know more advanced teachings until we get like the basics and the basics you get bored of it right you're like oh I want to be there already but no I had to stand in horse stance if you all know martial arts that's like basically a squat but it's like your legs are wider and you're holding it low and your palms are to your side anyway you can google it and see what it looks like but we would have to stand in horse stance for a long time until like our sweat like drift onto the the floor in the legs would be shaking and it's like why do I have to do this because it's part of the foundational work it's how we strengthen our mental fierceness it's if we get our body stronger right we're learning everything that you need to learn in order to accelerate and expand and grow and so notice for yourself if you are trying to skip steps if you are like oh I'm too advanced because you've done a bunch of work already you're like oh I'm so beyond the foundation like I don't know maybe or not right maybe you need more foundational work I have found that people that have done deep work have often skipped the integration work have often skipped the the basics and they wonder why they haven't you know gotten to where they want to be or you know shifted in the way they wanted and it's usually because they're avoiding the parts that I'm talking about right really prioritizing what's important to you looking at what you need and seeing like when you do this work you see oh my god I see all the times that I've abandoned myself I see all the times that I have left myself I see all the times that I have prioritized everybody else over myself and that's good that's good to have that kind of clarity because that can add fuel to your fire of doing the boundary work of asking right of receiving because that's really the thing that is underneath it a lot of times for people who are overgivers they have a really really hard time receiving whether it's compliments or you know help support whatever so this is so important and I would love to know you know what you discover for yourself what ways are you not giving yourself what you need or asking for what you need from your partner right even your kids I have a client that has completely shifted her life I mean obviously there's more to go but like from where she started now she's like a mom who's prioritizing her morning routine she's more resourced and grounded and now she can communicate with her husband a way that she couldn't before because she is saying yes to her right whereas before she was putting everybody else her kids first her husband first and it's like no you as a mom need to be the number one priority and from your fullness you will overflow right versus giving from scarcity or a lack and then that's what creates the resentment right and we do resentment work in coming home to you as well because if you're resentful you can't glow you can't radiate you can't be yourself you can't have you know healthy happy relationships right resentment literally dampens and really makes every it literally makes everything worse you can't actually enjoy your life obviously if you're feeling resentful so that's such an important piece because so many people are holding onto resentment whether they know it or not right and part of that work is the somatic work the inner child work but also learning how to use your voice learning how to speak up learning how to say the things in a confident yet loving and healthy way right so I'm excited it's going to be an amazing cohort I can feel it and I'm so excited that a bunch of my current clients are coming back to do again so join us I would love to see you in one of the open houses register in the link and I'll see you guys next week thank you so much for tuning in if you enjoyed this episode or received insight from it I want to hear about it in your words feedback powers the show so here are three ways that you can support the Tao of Po one hit the subscribe button so that you never miss an episode two share your biggest takeaway from this episode on Instagram and tag me I absolutely love seeing and reposting your stories three leave a review on Apple podcast this is the ultimate way to support the show and it takes less than a few minutes and I also love shouting out my reviewers on solo episodes or if you're a Spotify listener rate it with a quick click thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting the show and I will see you next Wednesday in another episode of the Tao of Po.
Many of us struggle with identifying our vision and uncovering what we genuinely want, often operating on autopilot in our lives.
Today I’m exploring how to break free from that cycle to become more intentional.
In this episode, I dive deep into the essential yet often overlooked practice of prioritizing yourself—your needs, desires, and big-picture vision.
I explore the difference between foundational needs, rooted in your core (root chakra), and the desires of your heart and creative spirit (sacral and heart chakras) and how by understanding these layers, we can learn to create a holistic vision for our lives and identify the individual desires that make up that bigger picture.
Join me for this foundational work to put yourself first—because everything else in your life follows when you thrive.
I dive into:
- Practical steps to uncover your desires and create space for you to have them - Root chakra needs vs. sacral & heart chakra desires
- Using your body’s intuition to set boundaries and discern a "yes" or "no"
- The importance of being resourced as you prioritize your own needs
- And more
Learn more about Coming Home to You: https://www.taoofpo.com/coming-home-to-you
Coming Home to You Open House registration link: https://bigredalchemy.as.me/openhouse
The Soul Renewal Retreat: https://www.taoofpo.com/soul-renewal-retreat
Connect with me and let’s go deeper:
Website: https://www.pohongyu.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/pohong.yu/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/pohong.yu/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pohongyu/
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I’d love to know what moment touched or inspired you. Let me know in the comments section below, or share the episode on social media and tag me in your stories @pohong.yu!
