EPISODE 124: Illusions vs. Reality: Ending Self-Inflicted Suffering
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Po: Welcome to the Tao Po Podcast. I'm your host, Po-Hong Yu, aka Big Red, aka Po, aka all kinds of nicknames because Po pretty much goes with everything. I'm a mystic, a spiritual guide, a medicine woman, and a somatic energy healer. My soul's work is to guide people back to the wisdom that lives in their bodies and to heal unprocessed pain so they can have the space to cultivate their gifts and then radiate their light and their work out into the world.
Everything I teach is based on the foundation of Taoism with an emphasis on Yin, which is feminine energy. It's the internal, the deep, the dark, the soft, the surrendered, and the receptive energy that is arising in the collective. In this podcast, you'll receive soul treats in the form of three kinds of episodes that support this time of awakening. Inner child alchemy sessions, solo transmissions from my heart, and conversations with people where we explore the full range of topics that make people human and divine.
I hope you enjoy. Let's get into it. Hello, friends.
Welcome back. Last week, during a coaching call in my coming home to you program, there was a theme, which is usually the case, and that's why I love group programs because being in a community space allows people to really feel not alone in their process because they realize, oh my God, you do that too? It's not just me because so often people are in a silo doing the work and they think it's just them and really they realize it's pretty much everybody.
So that reduces their self-judgment and shame and they also get to learn from other people's experiences, which is always very cool. But what came up last week was this topic of reality versus illusion, which sounds so intense and mysterious, but it's not mysterious at all because most people are living in illusion, not necessarily every second of their life. It could be absolutely or it could just be moments or anywhere in between. So I wanted to share this with you all because this is such an important piece to understand, to bring awareness to in your life, to start practicing in your life because this will literally change your day, your week, your month, and your entire life literally because if you are living in an illusion, that creates suffering if it's in the negative form. So let me break it all down to you simply. Reality is when something is a fact, it is true. It's not something that is made up in your mind, which is what the illusion is. Like future tripping is an illusion, trying to figure out what people, creating stories or what people are thinking about you is an illusion. Catastrophizing an experience in your life is an illusion. These are all things that are not real and usually it's done in the negative form. And you probably heard many people talking about your future self and how you can really connect with your vision and feel into what you are creating, what you desire to create, really seeing, feeling, experiencing all of your desires in the future. So we can use our imagination for good or evil.
And most of the time it's for evil because it's easier to just be in the negative. It's much harder to actually be conscious and use your mind, the muscles in your mind, essentially, like going to a brain gym and using your brain in the new way. Learning a new language is going to help you to prevent dementia. They've done studies of how using your brain in different ways will, for sure, support you in reducing memory loss and things like that. Learning something new, learning things in a new way. It's a similar perspective in that it's so easy to allow atrophy to happen, meaning stay in the same habit, doing the same thing in the same way, going on the same route to work. There's nothing wrong with routines.
It's just that when you don't allow yourself to challenge yourself or lift a heavier weight in the gym, the brain gym, or try something new, then a certain muscle will atrophy. And so when we're using our minds to create an illusion, that's comfortable, that's easy, but really showing up in a new way and in a way that really advocates for your vision and your desires, like your deepest desires, your heart desires, like when you actually show up for them instead of the downfall of whatever your life or whatever negative thoughts you're having, then you get to really have it. You get to create a space where it's possible for you. But the thing is with illusions is so tempting. It's addictive in a sense because we can create an entire storyline.
I remember doing this all the time because I'm human and we all do this. It's really a process of awakening. When you shift from living in a fantasy world to reality, it really is an awakening process. And for me, my mind was always trying to find these ways in preserving me instead of thriving or creating scenarios in my mind about the future of how life would be because I did X, Y, or Z, or I didn't do X, Y, or Z. It was just full of fear. I was future tripping and creating all kinds of scenarios.
Actually, in the extreme version, I was creating not only negative scenarios, but catastrophizing in my mind the worst case scenario. And it was really fucked up. Why would I do that to myself? Why would I hurt myself like that? And it was from really getting to know myself in this process that we go through as a human being. For me, I discovered that it was my twisted way of protecting myself, trying to buffer myself from life. And that meant me trying to control everything, not only my day-to-day experience, but also controlling my thoughts in the negative form.
And if I think about the rejection ahead of time, then it won't feel as bad when the rejection happens, right? Like something like that. There's always some kind of angle when you're living in illusion. You're creating this angle of trying to create a false sense of safety, right? You don't realize it's false in the moment, most likely, but it's absolutely a false sense of safety because there's no way that living in a place of control actually gives you the freedom and safety that you are desiring.
It's just not possible. The thing that gives you the freedom is the surrender, is the faith, is your trust in life, in your process, in the journey, right? And so when you're always in a state of illusion, or maybe it's not always, maybe it's just moments, certain experiences elicit this fantasy world in you, just notice, am I feeling a sense of safety when I do this? Going deeper, because at first you might be like, no, this doesn't make me feel safe, this makes me feel shitty, but if you go deeper underneath that, you might see that this is a sneaky way of you trying to create that in your life, right? Because living in the unknown is so much scarier, right? Because when you're living in the unknown, which is where the magic happens, by the way, then you are open. You're open to receiving the possibilities, right?
You're open to things failing, quote unquote, which to me is no such thing, because every time I've had a failure, I've learned so much from it, and I get to adjust and make changes moving forward from that wisdom that I got from that experience. And so this is really about noticing if you are continuing to go into the space of leaving your body, because that's what an illusionary state is, is that you're actually leaving your body, right? And going into another space that is harmful for you. And I would always think to myself when I would have these moments of realization like, oh, I just did it again, right? Because it's a practice, it's not a one and done situation, you have to continue to practice to notice, holy shit, I'm literally trying to predict the future, I'm literally trying to control life right now, I'm literally in somebody else's head trying to figure out what they're thinking about me, or I'm thinking about how I can fix this person, because I was obsessed with fixing things when I was younger, right? Because it helped me to avoid myself. If I can try to fix somebody else, then I can avoid me, right?
It's like, perfect. If you want to stay in a place of not healing yourself. So I would always see how I was like, oh my gosh, I just went into illusion again. And, you know, and it continues to happen into this day.
So it's a practice. This is not something where we transcend, we just stay aware and continue to make the shifts and adjustments that are needed in the moment or as close to the moment as possible when you catch yourself, right? And, you know, the reality is like, reality feels so juicy, like, you know, I know when I used to escape with fantasy and illusion, it was because I was afraid to be here. I was afraid to be in my body. I was afraid to be in the present moment.
I didn't know that back then, you know, I didn't know all this, like, this is hindsight. And so this may be something that you need to hear and maybe it will awaken you in this moment and realizing, oh, shit, like, I'm avoiding reality because I'm afraid to be present in my life, in my body, right, in my relationships. But I want to, you know, show you that reality is so much more juicy and fun and pleasurable and present.
And it just feels so much better to live from a place of I know who I am. I know what's happening in this moment. I know it's true and I know it's not true. And I'm gonna live from truth, right? Like why would you want to live from a fantasy and a negative fantasy? I mean, if it's a positive imagination and the future self, you're setting that vision for yourself and you're aligning yourself in that way, that's a different story. But creating a fantasy that's not real and that's only predicting a bad outcome as a way for you to do this preventative rejection kind of move is really suffering. And so my invitation to you is to start to notice are you in reality or are you in an illusion and noticing throughout your day if you're going into that space, right?
And again, it could be in all different types of ways. Again, it could be trying to predict your future. It could be trying to be in somebody else's head, which by the way is a waste of time and energy for both. But I just wanna speak to this part for a second because so many of us are trying to figure out what other people are thinking and particularly about us because as human beings, we're trying to preserve our sense of ego, I guess. And so noticing if you're leaving your own body and entering into somebody else's mind, that is a dangerous place to be because you will never know what they're thinking and they might not even know what they're thinking. And if even if they tell you the truth of what they're thinking, you might not believe them and still try to be in their mind trying to figure out what the quote unquote truth is, right? It gets so tricky and slippery, best to avoid all of that and just stay in your own body and mind and do the practices to control the only thing that you can control, which is yourself.
That's the only thing, right? But we are under an illusion that we can control other people, situations, right? We cannot, we can just control ourselves. And so are you willing to submit to that truth? And if yes, that means being willing to let go of those storylines and illusions that you may be so attached to. They're so addictive, right? It's so addictive, especially if you're the type of person who just wants to escape, right? Like if you're somebody who leans towards any kind of addiction whether it's workaholism, right?
Choppaholic, eating, drugs, whatever, it literally could be anything. If you are somebody who is trying to numb or avoid your emotions and experiences, then it's even more attractive to go into an illusion or a imaginary state, right? But now you can choose to do that in the positive if you want to. I had a coach in call with a client yesterday and she was just, you know, she's so good at creating an illusion in the negative.
And she told me, I'm not really good at like connecting with my vision and desires. But I call bullshit on that because our imagination is our imagination. We get to decide if we want to use it in one way or in another way, right?
For good or for evil, we get to choose. So imagination is imagination. It's your own attachment to how you want to use that imagination. And imagination is such a beautiful gift and skill that we can actually cultivate, right?
We're creating all the time as human beings, subconsciously and consciously. And the more that we are creating this negative illusion, the more we're adding to creating that into reality, right? That's why it's so important to do the subconscious work that I guide people through too, because we want to bring that stuff to the surface. We want to shine a light on the subconscious so we can not allow those limiting beliefs to create our reality, right? From a place of fear versus from trust and love.
But living in reality is so juicy, you guys. Like I remember when I first discovered Byron Katie from a pastor in a church that I went to, it's a spiritual church. It was a non-denomination church. It was just really about metaphysics and energy and things like that.
And she mentioned Byron Katie to me and I was like, oh my God, that first question that Byron Katie asks, is it true? Is so life changing? So simple, but so life changing. And this is basically what living in reality is about. Ask yourself, is this true, right? But you have to be willing to catch yourself in the moment to even ask yourself that question. So often people, like I said, are so seduced by the illusion that they don't even want to take themselves out of it.
It's become like a drug, right? So to even get to a space where you can have awareness that you are in an illusion at that moment is a huge deal. That is massive.
That is everything. And then in that moment, you can ask yourself, is it true? Are all of these things that you have been thinking is a reality and truth?
Is it really? Opening up to inquiry and curiosity and exploring different aspects and different perspectives will literally open you up to awaken at the next level. And this is enlightenment, right? I think a lot of times people think about enlightenment being this one and done experience, like, oh my God, I'm now enlightened and then life is gonna be perfect.
And it's like, no, actually we have different and possibly many moments of enlightenment, right? The more we practice, the more that we ask ourselves questions like, is it true, the more that we bring ourselves into our body and become embodied, the more enlightened we become. So often in the past, people think about spirituality as something where we're transcending things, but for me, it's really about embodying our human self and really loving ourselves here, right? Really appreciating and embracing and expressing the truth of who we are. Being in our true self means being our big self.
Doesn't mean you're loud and whatever, it just means that you are embodying all of who you are. And this happens in layers, in cycles, in a spiral and asking yourself, is it true? Is this real? Like, am I creating this in my mind and will literally stop you in your tracks and see what's really happening, not only get you straight in terms of seeing reality versus illusion, but also uncovering the deeper parts within you that are attached to the illusion, right? There's a reason why we have these illusions, that why we create them in our mind. And it's important to discover those mechanisms underneath because then we really see our self.
And that's the thing I feel like is so deeply profound, but most people don't do, is that they're not truly seeing themself and seeing their life in a way that actually allows for not only possibilities, but grounded in the reality of your life, right? And so the foundation is always the most important part in creating a house, in the work that I do. And so if you are literally creating a building on a foundation of illusion, just guess what that brings, right? Like an illusion that is all about negativity. Now, if you're able to see, oh my gosh, like I've been able, like you see your evidence. If you're able to see like the evidence that you have actually been courageous in your life, that you've been able to do X, Y and Z, right? Like you get to actually build on that foundation by creating a vision of what's possible for you and letting that be the thing that uplifts you, that helps you to elevate to the next level, versus an illusion of all the negative stories. And by the way, you guys, it's just old and boring.
And I say that because that was my experience with it. I was like, I got to a certain point where I was like, oh my God, I'm so over myself. I'm so over how boring this storyline is. I'm so tired and exhausted by trying to control everything and future tripping and like caring about what everybody else is thinking.
It was just like, I just hit a wall. And so are you at that place? Are you like so tired of creating these stories in your head that aren't true? And are you willing to do the work to not allow that be the habit, right?
The thing that you are engaging with essentially. Are you willing to let that go? Are you willing to replace it with something that's actually gonna be more supportive for you?
That's the question. So I want you to sit with that and share with me in either the Spotify comments or my comments in my website or in a Instagram story. Like what are you starting to see? Are you seeing this new reality and like where you have been maybe blurring the lines and maybe you're starting to see clearly of, oh my gosh, this whole time, I thought this was reality, but it actually isn't. It's really kind of a mindful kind of moment. If you open to it, you really start to see all these different ways in how you've been participating in your own suffering and participating in holding yourself down essentially. So I hope that this podcast episode was helpful for you. And if it was, share it with a friend.
All right, until next time. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode or received insight from it, I wanna hear about it in your words.
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We often create stories in our minds - whether it's future tripping, imagining what others think about us, or catastrophizing everyday experiences. These illusions can lead to unnecessary suffering, especially when they take a negative form.
In this episode, I explore the profound difference between living in reality and getting trapped in illusions. I explore the addictive nature of these illusions and the challenge of shifting from a fantasy world to reality, a true awakening process that requires conscious effort and self-awareness. I give you helpful strategies for embracing the truth of your experiences, practicing awareness of your thoughts, and letting go of negative habits that perpetuate your suffering.
Are you tired of participating in your own suffering by creating stories in your head that aren't true? Are you ready to replace these harmful patterns with something more supportive? Join me to learn more about the benefits of living in reality, the power of surrender, faith, and trust, and how to use your imagination positively rather than getting caught up in worrying fantasies.
I dive into:
- Reality vs. illusion: understanding the benefits of living in reality
- The addictive nature of illusions: practicing awareness of your thoughts
- Strategies for embracing the truth of your experiences and living from a place of trust
- Using your imagination positively instead of getting caught in worrying fantasies
- Letting go of negative habits so you can stop participating in your own suffering
- And more
Join us at the Soul Renewal Retreat April 4 -11: https://www.taoofpo.com/soul-renewal-retreat
Connect with me and let’s go deeper:
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