EPISODE 120: Nervous System Work for Mothers
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Po: Welcome to the Tao Po Podcast. I'm your host, Po-Hong Yu, aka Big Red, aka Po, aka all kinds of nicknames because Po pretty much goes with everything. I'm a mystic, a spiritual guide, a medicine woman, and a somatic energy healer. My soul's work is to guide people back to the wisdom that lives in their bodies and to heal unprocessed pain so they can have the space to cultivate their gifts and then radiate their light and their work out into the world.
Everything I teach is based on the foundation of Taoism with an emphasis on Yin, which is feminine energy. It's the internal, the deep, the dark, the soft, the surrendered, and the receptive energy that is arising in the collective. In this podcast, you'll receive soul treats in the form of three kinds of episodes that support this time of awakening. Inner child alchemy sessions, solo transmissions from my heart, and conversations with people where we explore the full range of topics that make people human and divine.
I hope you enjoy. Let's get into it. Hello, hello, everyone.
Welcome back. So this is for all of you moms out there. I want you to listen up because this is going to be such a paradigm shift for you if you are experiencing any spectrum of chaos or imbalance in your family household, and that could look anywhere from feeling resentful at your kids or yelling at them, being reactive towards them or your partner, or it could be that you are feeling guilty a lot, feeling regret, or feeling like you need to fix them, save them, rescue them, or it could be even more subtle, just a feeling of undercurrent of anxiety and dysregulation in the family.
It couldn't be anywhere from more extreme and intense to more subtle and less obvious. This one thing is literally a game changer, and I've just seen it time and time again in helping my clients to create relief in the household, and peace in the household, and literally shifting their kids' perspectives, the dynamics with them, in every single way, and that is prioritizing yourself, realizing that you, your nervous system, is the hub of your family. I want you to just take that in for a moment because that is some next level shit, to realize that you are the hub.
Maybe you know that intellectually, maybe you're like, yeah, I run the household, I'm managing it, and da-da-da-da, like all these external to-dos or planning, right? I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about your nervous system. I'm talking about this part of you internally, which is connected to energy, is the hub. And so that means if you are dysregulated, right, your nervous system is dysregulated, that is going to impact your kids' nervous system, as well as your partner, right? Because that's how powerful you are.
And I think a lot of moms don't realize how much power they have and how much they can shift the energy and dynamic in their household. And yes, you might feel like, why do I have to do it? Why does it have to fall on me? It doesn't have to, but when you know you are powerful, then it's a beautiful thing.
It's a beautiful thing to take responsibility and to know that you can shift, like, your generations to come, right, down your lineage. And that's what's happening for my clients. And so this is all about shifting your belief in terms of needing to prioritize everybody else before you, right? Maybe you might be second, third, or maybe you might be last on your list of who you're taking care of. Imagine what would happen if you put yourself first, if you prioritized your nervous system, and to really work with your body in this way, to really notice when you are off and doing that deeper work.
Imagine the impact that would have on your family. And it's already studied about co-regulating, they call it. So if somebody is feeling dysregulated in their nervous system, it's recommended to do multiple different types of things that can help to regulate. And one of them is being around another person that is regulated, that is grounded, that is anchored in their present moment, right?
And then that will help that person who is feeling dysregulated to ground more and to feel more inner peace. And so that's the same, same idea with your kids, right? It's the same thing, but even more because these kids came out of you, right? They were born from you. And even if it's like somebody, it's a foster kid or adopted kid, still, even without that, they are so in tune with your system.
Your systems are all connected. And by the way, this is like next level, you know, energetics, but even when you're doing your own healing work, it impacts other parts of your family that are not in your immediate family as well, meaning that even if they're not living in the same household as you, I've experienced that personally and I've seen other people have that experience as well. And so this is why it's so important to prioritize your healing above anything else, right?
Prioritizing your pleasure, prioritizing your needs. And I understand because I work with so many moms, I get that that might sound impossible to some people. Like I don't have the time, I don't, but this is a wake up call for those of you who need to hear it, that you get to choose what you believe and what you don't believe and to rewire those beliefs. So if you feel like, oh, I can't because blah, blah, blah, notice if you are in a limiting belief, right?
If you're like going into a thought pattern that is really just negative, right? Instead of seeing what else might be possible, because creating space in your life, which by the way is the first portion, the first phase of my framework, that is key. And we can create space in all kinds of ways, right?
Not just on our calendar, which is definitely one part of it, but also within ourself, in our mind, the way that, like even in our bodies, right? Creating space by feeling our feelings so that we're not, you know, cluttered with all this repressed emotion in our system. So there's multiple levels of ways that we can create this space for ourself.
But first, in order to do that, you have to see how you are not creating space for yourself and that you want to create that space for yourself, that you want to do things differently, that you want to be the person to stop a generational pattern, right? Because this is generational work, you know, healing the past and then healing the future and every other way around. And it's because our healing has that level of impact, ripple effect, right?
Not just even in our household, or even just in our family, but also for the larger collective, because energy is that powerful, that level of expansion, you know, 1% at a time impacts everybody around you. And so if you're a mom, then my invitation to you is to make a choice to choose you first, even above your kids. And I understand you might be like, Po, you don't have any kids, you don't understand, that's absolutely true.
I do not. Yes, they can be a priority, of course, using them as inspiration, right? Instead of needing to feel like you need to rescue them, right?
That's a totally different dynamic, right? That's from victim consciousness, that's from feeling like you need to beat yourself up, or you need to be a martyr. And that is not what motherhood is, that is not what being a healer is.
Anybody who's in a position of, you know, support or holding space for others, it's never about all of that negativity. It's about allowing yourself to fill up first, right? Being full, and then being able to overflow from that fullness. Because if you're giving from a place of empty, guess what's going to happen?
You're going to feel resentful, you're going to be reactive, you're going to be dysregulated, your trauma responses are going to be on the surface, and you're going to be activated and triggered, right? And so, you know, the other option is to like fill up to prioritize your nervous system and know that you doing that will overflow into your kids, not just from your actions, that's definitely part of it. But I'm talking about the energetics here.
And this is really important. So when your system is grounded, is in flow, is, you know, spacious, your kids will feel that your partner will feel that whoever I have a client who her, her parents live with her, she has a husband and two kids, and the energy of the home has shifted just from this work alone, right? We've done other work too, we've gone deeper into inner child healing, we do microdosing, but this work is so pivotal in this when she realized that she has this power, that if she is regulated, her kids will reap the benefits of it, because they are directly connected to her on this energetic level. And it's just the same, like she the opposite was true, like, when she's anxious or stressed or sick, guess what, one of her kids always gets sick, always gets sick when, when the mom gets sick. And so it can go either way, right? And so, if you're just scrambling to like do all the things, right, to be a super mom, to, you know, try to fix things, that is not the efficient way to do this work.
Allow yourself to do the inside outwork. And you will notice that the energy will shift. I have another client in my coming home to you membership and her relationship with her kids and her partner is shifting so much as well. And, you know, I love what she said recently, that, you know, she really feels like this is her purpose, is to do this work with herself so that her kids, you know, the lineage, the generational trauma can stop at her, right?
Because that's actually the case for a lot of my clients. They are the ones who desire to stop those, those patterns that have been in existence with their parents and their grandparents, right? That whole generational trauma being passed down. And they're like, I want to stop it here with me. And so this client that is happening and she's noticing how her kids are responding different to her, or they're changing around her. And they're also noticing how she's different, right?
They are noticing that, and like, that's more powerful than anything, because, you know, you as a mom saying to somebody saying to your kid, you should do this, or you do that, isn't powerful if you're not embodied. If you're not, you know, speaking from a space of true experience and deep knowing, right? You can literally speak out your mouth and do all the teachings, right?
Like give, give your kid an overflow and abundance of these brilliant teachings, spiritual teachings, emotional teachings, whatever it is. And it doesn't land because you're not in your body, you're not regulated. And they might not know consciously, but it's not landing in them because there's that incongruity, essentially, right? Like you're speaking these things from your understanding in your mind. But if you are not regulated and you're, you're not actually embodying the truth of what you're teaching, then it's not believable. It just energetically does not land in your kid's system.
And so that's why they will not actually follow through with it, because it doesn't land. And this is a case with teachers, right? Like as a spiritual teacher that I am, I could literally teach until I'm blue in the face the most brilliant teachings. But if it wasn't congruent, like if I didn't actually do those practices and have those deep learnings inside my own body, and I'm just like regurgitating something that I have heard or learned and mentally understand, it doesn't have the same impact or power. That's why I talked in another episode around the power of the voice, like the energy, the way I'm speaking, right?
The energetics that come through my mouth when I'm speaking isn't just the energy of like my tone of voice. It's from the experience. It's from the embodiment. It's from, you know, my deep knowing from my life and my transformation.
And it's the same thing for moms. You could literally, on the opposite end of the spectrum, right, is you don't say much, right? But you are embodied. You're regulated, and you're moving through life in the day to day and flow and connected and more conscious and aware and practicing, right?
You're a practitioner and you don't teach your kid anything. But guess what? That kid, that scenario, they would shift, right? Something would happen.
They, something would land in them even without you saying anything because that's how powerful the nervous system is. That's how powerful our embodiment is, right? And kids are so smart. Even if they don't know consciously what's happening, they deeply understand underneath it what to trust and what not to trust, what is believable, what's not believable. And so this is why it's so important to prioritize you and, you know, to not feel guilty about it because you know that if you prioritize yourself and really take care of your needs and allow yourself the space to you know be in nature or ask for hugs, whatever it is that's going to help you to regulate your nervous system, right? Meditate, dance, whatever it is that you need when you realize you need it in the moment, they are going to reap the benefits of all of that.
They're going to get all of that. And so, you know, I always say I'm a practical mystic. I work very deeply in the energetics, but I'm also super grounded and practical. And so, you know, I'm all about the efficiency.
And so, if you've been noticing that you've been kind of in the same pattern in your family as a mom or as a partner, right, you could do it differently. Do it in a way that actually is going to have an impact versus spinning in a circle or on a hamster wheel of like trying to do, right? Like, and this again is the same teaching that I always have is like yin energy first and then the yang, right? They work together in this flow. The internal is the yin, the external is the yang, the body is the yin, the mind is the yang.
And so, when you allow yourself to see the power of the yin energy, the power of the feminine, the power of the internal, things will shift so much faster for you. You will be amazed. It then is like miraculous. And it really is because yin energy is like magic because it's all in the unknown space, right? It's the soil is that part that's, you know, people don't see.
It's that darkness where it's fertile, where seeds are growing roots into a tree. And so, if you allow yourself to prioritize that internal space of yours, oh my goodness. so much will shift in your life. I mean, not only your family, but like with your money, with abundance, community, you name it every single way. But I want you to imagine you as the hub.
I want you to see yourself in your mind's eye right now and you might wanna close your eyes and just picture you as the hub of your family and how you have like these energetic tentacles that are coming out of your body, that are connected to your kids and your partner and you're like this force of nature and whatever it is that you are experiencing in terms of your nervous system will connect with them. You know, and vice versa too, right? But I have to tell you, like I said, my clients see such a massive shift when they really see the truth of this and they see how, oh, I've been doing it all wrong. I've been doing it focusing on the wrong things. I've been putting my attention on the wrong thing. Now let me shift my attention to what is really going to make a difference, right? The root cause, which you all know is always the priority. Like let's not waste our time doing things that are actually going to keep us confused and stuck.
Let's actually get to the thing. And what I see a lot is that there's such deep conditioning in the culture with women and with moms that they don't, like they just feel this resistance to prioritizing themselves, right? Like I work with so many people pleasers and rescuers and martyrs and over-givers. And, you know, it's just such a pattern that people are so gripping onto. It's like they're nervous systems, it's like they feel safe in this pattern because that's what they know, right? And so it really is about like 1% at a time, softening your nervous system, 1% at a time, you know, choosing yourself in a moment that you would normally give, you know, it's 1% at a time saying no when your body's a no versus saying no, yes, when you know that you're a no, right? Like, so it's like all these moments, all these practices day to day of really choosing yourself and, you know, feeling your body, feeling your nervous system, the sensations, allowing your emotions to move when they need to, right?
Really creating and holding that space for yourself. Oh my goodness, like life changing, life changing and, you know, letting go of the guilt. I mean, the mom guilt is so real. I remember my mom having so much guilt, like I could feel it, right? And that guilt was passed on to me and I always felt guilty in so many relationships I had in the past and just for even existing, right? Like it was just so like in my system, it was just insidious, so insidious, like, you know, saying sorry for everything, apologizing for my being, right?
For just being who I am. It was just the guilt was so intense. And, you know, this is the big part of the work because once you start to prioritize yourself, really create that space for you, you need to face that guilt. You need to face it and see how it's a construct, that it's a narrative. It is, you know, a conditioning.
It is not real. And so you have to be willing to see things differently and not allow that guilt to take over because the way I experienced it, and I know this is everybody else, like, because we, people who are feeling guilt it's all the same experience, like, and it's just so many people experiencing this, like it's addictive, right? I found myself fueling that fire of feeling guilty. Like, I would keep creating stories in my head to make myself feel more guilty. I'd ruminate about it, like, you know, it's just like obsessing about it, just like constantly thinking about how guilty I felt versus the way, you know, from practice, like, so I would then intercept those moments.
And, you know, now I don't feel guilty, you guys. Like, it's actually a miracle. Like, just talking about it now, I'm like in awe of what's possible. In awe of what is possible when you are committed to your practice, to, you're committed to being a practitioner, a spiritual practitioner, an emotional master, practitioner, right?
A practitioner of being present and conscious because if you would have told me in my 20s that I would have been living without guilt. Doesn't mean I don't ever feel it, but it's so rare. Like, if you would have ever told me that I wouldn't be experiencing it like that, I wouldn't have believed you because it was so intense all the time.
It was like my go-to, you know, state of being. And, you know, with practice, with me prioritizing all the things that I'm telling you guys, it shifted. And so you, as a mom, you know, if you want to get free in this area and you want to, you know, really engage and reclaim your power, your life force, this is so crucial to really notice in the moment when you're feeling guilty and not allowing it to expand, right? And definitely stopping yourself from fueling that fire because that is all the ego at work. And so this is all, you know, this is part of what I teach around cultivating mental fierceness, around really creating boundaries with your own ego, right? Are you willing to not live in suffering? And so this is really the choice that you need to make to be free.
If you're feeling like you're a mom that is, you know, going through chaos or anxiety, there's all this kind of energy in your household and within yourself. And so it really is a commitment and it's a daily practice, which is a beautiful thing because we're practicing anyways, you guys, right? It's just what are you practicing, right? If you're feeling guilty all the time, you're practicing guilt, but you don't have to, you can actually make a different choice. Do you know that you have the power to actually do something differently? You know, when I was in the depths of my darkness and suffering and guilt and shame and all the things, I didn't realize I could do something differently.
I just, it was like, I thought that was just the way life was and that's the way life would always be until I had, you know, moments of awakening, just like I'm awakening like, oh my God, I want my life to be different. And that really has to be the first thing, feeling that desire, right? That fire in you to want it to be different.
You have to want it like so deep in your soul, in your heart, that you would do any fucking thing to shift it. Are you willing to do that, right? Are you willing, do you love yourself enough? And it doesn't mean like you have to feel like you love yourself, but do you love yourself enough to make a shift, even if it's 1%, to love yourself 1% more, to let go of shame 1% more, right? This isn't like a black and white situation.
This isn't an all one and done situation. This is about really committing to doing the work 1% at a time and knowing that this work will literally shift your kids and the generations to come in your lineage. And I'm literally seeing it with my clients and it is so inspiring, it is so powerful, like to see them do this work, it literally gives me chills, it gives me chills. And not only that, it heals relationships with your parents, right? It's not just your kids and the future lineage, right? Like the generation in the future, it's also healing the past. It's healing in both directions because that's how powerful it is to do this kind of work, right? If you're somebody who's like done just like talk therapy or mindset work, you might be like, oh, I can't wrap my head around this or I don't really, but this is the thing, like if you have only done that kind of work and you're still in a similar pattern, it's because you have not done the work in your body.
And this is really the key I see over and over again, like seriously over and over again. And there's so many people I know that are interested in working with me, but they're like, I don't know, they're scared. They're scared of the Yin energy, they're scared of the feminine, they're scared of the unknown. And so they stay in a pattern over and over again instead of taking a leap of faith into this space that I guide people through. And so, I just wanna say, if that's you, whether you're a mom or not, take the leap of faith, it requires bravery, but that bravery will be given back to you like 10 fold, like the abundance, the connection, all that stuff that you put in, you will not regret it because your life will completely change.
No amount of mindset work, no amount of talk therapy will do the work that you are desiring to shift, period. I just seen it time and time again. It's miraculous. And so, as a mom, I invite you to really come back to your pleasure, your desires. And you might be like, I don't have any desires, bro.
I don't even know what my needs are. I hear that all the time. And so, if that's the case, moment to moment, like something I love to ask my clients to do is to just wake up and ask themself, what is it that I need right now? And asking themselves throughout the day, because guess what?
It's no surprise that they never asked themselves that because their mind is so focused on everybody else, taking care of the household and they have businesses, like they're doing all the things. And so, this is really about coming back over and over and over again, asking yourself that question. What is it that I need right now? And then allowing your body to express what it is that it needs. And then you honoring that, right? And that's what starts to build that space and your inner trust and your self love because you're actually falling through with the thing that your body is asking for. If your body's like, I need a nap, take a fucking nap, even for five minutes, right? It doesn't have to be a big old thing.
Maybe your body just wants to take a breath outside, get away from the computer, right? Like what is it that you need? Maybe you need to actually express yourself to your partner and ask them for something that you've been needing, but you haven't felt like you could do that. Maybe you can lean into that. What is it that you need? Maybe you need to take extra time off and have somebody take care of the kids so you can go to get a massage, right?
What is it that you need? And it could be like something so tiny, like a one minute moment throughout the day, or it could be a whole vacation, right? Like it really doesn't matter, but it really is about the day to day integration practice. It's not a one time moment. This is about you cultivating a new and intimate relationship with yourself and your body.
And guess what? Like I said, you will start to see everything change in your life for the better. Your relationship with your partner will get better, sex will get better, right? You'll enjoy your kids more, they'll enjoy you more. Everything will become more in flow because you are following that yin and yang energy, right?
And so in this case, when I say ask yourself, what is that you need? That's very yin, right? You're dropping into your internal, you're listening, you're feeling, you're creating space to really feel what is bubbling up from that question. And then the yang is the follow through, right? Really actually doing the thing that your inner wisdom just told you. And so it's always, always, always, always about that yin, yang flow, right? It's never only about one.
They always work together. And so whenever you have an intuitive hit, same thing. You gotta follow through. How many times have you had an intuitive hit that you ignored or you minimized or you said, oh, I'll do it later and didn't do it?
You know, whatever. The more you don't follow through, the more that you don't trust it and act on it, the more you will lose trust with yourself and the more that you will not be able to hear that inner wisdom. And so we wanna practice over and over again to really expand your capacity to hear, to feel, to trust and to have.
So this is really powerful work, you guys. And I want you to send this episode to all of your moms because we need to create a ripple effect of moms prioritizing themselves a little bit more at a time, 1% at a time. Like this is so important because moms, like, can you imagine? Like I'm just seeing right now, like visioning, like if every mom started to prioritize herself, just 1% more every day in that practice, can you imagine how life in the collective and the culture would change? Women are powerful, period.
And then moms, like taking care of their kids and the impact that they have in their family. I mean, just like, I just have chills. Like it's just amazing, so powerful. So share this with the mom that needs to hear this, that needs permission to be like, yeah, I do need to put myself first because guilt and prioritizing everyone else and ignoring yourself and your needs and your desires, that's exhausting. And so I really hope that this transmission has helped to inspire you and awaken maybe new ideas and has motivated you to take this next step in committing to yourself on a whole nother level, on a deeper level, on a more subtle level and really opening up that level of self-compassion with you, right?
You give that to everybody else, what about you? This is a mission that I'm on. The more that you care about yourself or kind to yourself, love the fuck out of yourself, you will see the benefits ripple out in so many ways your capacity to expand will be so just like mind-blowing. And so I can't wait to hear all about your experience in putting this into practice.
And I would love to know about it. And if you want to work with me deeper, if you're like, oh, I need somebody to hold space for me and hold me accountable and guide me through this process, feel free to schedule a clarity call, the link below in the show notes is right there. And if you do this on your own and you're like noticing shifts, tag me in a story on Instagram. I want to hear all about your insights and your expansions, your wins and all the things that are opening up for you.
Okay, so I will see you soon. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode or received insight from it, I want to hear about it in your words. Feedback powers the show.
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This one is for all the moms…
If you’re experiencing chaos or imbalance in your household, whether you're feeling resentful, yelling at your kids or partner, or dealing with guilt and anxiety - I want you to know how possible it is to cultivate a new experience of motherhood.
In this episode, I dive into a paradigm shift that will bring relief and peace to your family by prioritizing yourself and the nervous system hub of your family - you.
Learn how to shift from prioritizing everyone else first to taking care of yourself, and how by facing mom guilt and doing the inner healing, you'll improve future generations (and your relationship with your own parents).
Cultivate a new relationship with yourself, and watch everything in your life, from your relationship with your partner to your enjoyment of your kids, transform for the better. Join me to learn how the yin and yang flow can shift your motherhood journey.
I dive into:
- How the yin and yang flow can transform your motherhood journey for the better - Understanding how feelings of resentment, guilt, and anxiety impact your family dynamics
- Why your nervous system is the hub of your family’s well-being and how prioritizing yourself can bring relief and peace
- Facing mom guilt: tools for overcoming guilt and healing yourself
- And more
Schedule a clarity call with me: https://bigredalchemy.as.me/claritycall
Learn about my Coming Home to You Membership:
https://www.taoofpo.com/coming-home-to-you
Connect with me and let’s go deeper:
Website: https://www.pohongyu.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/pohong.yu/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/pohong.yu/
Did this episode impact you?
I’d love to know what moment touched or inspired you. Let me know in the comments section below, or share the episode on social media and tag me in your stories @pohong.yu!
